Tired of being unappreciated? Stop volunteering…

So I’m opening this with a quote that hit me like a lighting bolt:

“Burnout often results from unconscious ways we show consideration without checking what’s called for, or even whether anything is really needed at all.

Our instincts to please and avoid displeasing, to be liked and not disliked, to be attractive and appealing and agreeable and approved of — those instincts have us be considerate at times when being INCONSIDERATE, being LESS considerate, would work better.” – Alison Armstrong“

I first encountered Alison during the “Sex in the City” phase of my life. Late 20s and the majority of my focus was on men and how could I find one that would make me happy, complete, etc…

Alison had a lot to say that resonated with me and I found much of it applied to romantic relationships but also to life.

I’ve continued to go back to her writings and thoughts when I need a little grounding.

The quote I opened with smacked me between the eyes the other day.

OH!!! Wow. Yup. Queue aggravated husband. “Do you have to be so helpful all the time” or little voice in my head complaining about getting stuck with the stuff no one else is doing at work or rolling my eyes at loading the dish washer again.

Trust me, this could be a LONG list – but at the core of it – the cause of my not feeling appreciated is I’m doing things without being asked and I’m mad that I’m not being showered with gratitude. In fact, outrageously!, sometimes I’m even rewarded with annoyance 😠 The nerve of some people!!

I was really quite pleased after I read that and realized the truth of that statement for me. It gave me a reminder…and possibly permission? to be less considerate!

This isn’t about being rude, but it is about waiting to be asked before volunteering. It’s about having the courtesy to mind your own business and giving others the freedom to make their own choices. Most people will ask for help if they want/need it.

Step back, observe more, act less. I’ll bet you feel less burnt out and the people around you will appreciate the space 🌻💞