Is not the same as “no thank you” or “oh, it’s okay, I figured it out”.
I’ve noticed that when we’re asked to do something that’s on the boundary’s edge – and which boundary varies both by person and measure – anyway, the pattern I’m observing is “request, boundary bounce, rejection/annoyance”.
The other day I had a friend ask me for a favor that in many ways wasn’t a big deal and I’m confident it would not be over that person’s boundary, but it did happen to be in the grey area of my comfort zone.
After a little bit of awkward back-and-forth conversation where I was trying to explain why I didn’t think I was comfortable and the other person was trying to explain why she didn’t want me to do anything that was uncomfortable but she also didn’t think that I was taking any real risk, the conversation ended with “just forget it”…
And of course I now all week have not forgotten it 🤣😊🤔 I’ve spent the week alternating between feeling guilty for not supporting my friend, feeling hurt about the apparent now lack of communication because other notes since have not been responded to and annoyance at the edge behind “just forget it”.
I have definitely heard myself using that expression or similar phrasing for when someone isn’t agreeing to do some thing that I would like them to do. And I have had other people use that expression with me, often my husband, and boy does that make me mad! 😬
In the interest of changing communication patterns I am committing to do my very best to drop this expression from my vocabulary, and when I get this response I am going to start testing how I can acknowledge their disappointment without getting talked into something I don’t want to do.
For now I think I’m going to try “thank you for understanding this isn’t something I’m comfortable with” – we’ll see how that goes…I can tell it doesn’t quite have the right ring it sounds a little bit pretentious but I’ll keep working on it. (Feel free to suggest 😊)
Have a wonderful day, thanks for taking a minute to “noodle” with me 🌻💞
Wisdom of Friends 